Fear of Vlogging

What are my resistances to vlogging?

I feel that I will not know what to say and freeze up. I also find it uncomfortable and awkward to talk to into a camera or talk to myself aloud. I had made a vlog for myself a few months ago and when I watched it I went into reactions of disliking the way I was expressing myself. I saw that I was very awkward and uncomfortable in the vlog and it was not something that I would have liked to post and share. I see that this comes from a point of where I have an idea of myself that I believe to be true in regards to my public speaking and due to keeping this belief alive I withheld myself from the experience of expressing myself through vlogging.

I realize that the only way to walk through this point is to actually do a vlog and share it. By vlog I mean sharing something from me in a particular moment, not reading something pre-scripted. I have wanted to do an introduction vlog basically detailing what it is that I am doing in process and the practicality of it as well as the starting point for deciding to get involved. Here is where I feel that I may freeze up so I will clear these points within myself in writing beforehand. This way I will have the points that I wanted to mention refreshed and present when I go to make my vlog reducing the possibility of freezing up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the belief that I will not know what to say and freeze up into the experience of vlogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as uncomfortable and awkward while vlogging and speaking with myself aloud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the emotional reaction of dislike to exist within and as me when watching myself in a vlog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the vlog I made as being negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in the vlog as awkward and uncomfortable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to withhold myself from sharing my vlog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear recording and watching videos to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my public speaking abilities as poor.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from experiences where I have to speak publicly.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the only way to walk through the experience of public speaking is by actually doing it and that hiding is only suppressing and accumulating the point.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in pushing myself to vlog and speak with myself directly I am learning who I actually am developing my self-expression.

I accept and allow myself to, through vlogging, speak directly to myself and share the experience of myself with others.

I accept and allow myself to express myself through vlogging without judgement.

I accept and allow myself to vlog in breath.

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Shut Up Mind, I Know Your Tricks

For the past two days I have cut out smoking and for this morning I have decided not to have a coffee to see how I feel. I was pretty much a zombie at work, I slept the entire drive in the company truck and had no motivation or energy to do anything. I experienced this as being a terrible experience and the backchat was going off consistently. The most prominent point was the dissatisfaction that I was feeling in regards to my job and the belief that I was creating that I didn’t like it any more. I immediately realized this as a timelooping pattern of where I begin to create a poisoned workplace within my head and everything becomes negative. When these points accumulate the job becomes unbearable and I end up leaving. I realize that today was not consistent with how I have been recently experiencing myself in regards to work and that it is the result of a the “down” mindset that I was in – not getting enough sleep, having way too many things to do, no coffee, no cigarettes, sore, etc.

Furthermore I experienced smoking related backchat where I was trying to justify the point of continuing smoking within my mind. It went pretty much like, “I can just smoke for the summer, then quit when it gets cold, I’ve quit before and it will be easy” and “this job would be bearable if I where smoking, at least I would have that and it would be alright.” It’s weird because I was actually enjoying my experience working the week before, so I realize that this is just the result of dropping the smoking addiction. Its more of a matter of letting my body go through the physical withdrawal from the build up of nicotine in my system and stopping my participation within any points of backchat that come up in regards to smoking or points that are related to it.

As far as coffee goes, I am going to take it slow and stick to kicking smoking right now. I see the effects of my drowsiness adversely influencing me at work and throughout the rest of my day. I don’t see coffee as something that will damage my health or prevent me from saving money, the only thing that comes up is that I am reliant on it to get me going in the morning and without it I feel like crap. So once I stabilize myself with smoking I’ll take a closer look at the coffee.

Addictions

I have recently allowed myself to start smoking again. This has been an on and off occurrence for me, where I will smoke for a summer then quit for the rest of the year, then start and stop over and over never quite stabilizing the point. The last time I quit smoking I made a point of setting a time that I would quit by in advance and held myself true to my word. Although I found quitting not overly difficult I have not actually quit, I have taken more of a break from it. I really enjoy the physical act of smoking but I can see clearly that this is not a supportive habit. I am up to smoking around a pack per day and am beginning to feel some adverse effects on my lungs. I have also begun to notice that I am spending a lot of money on cigarettes and at this rate much of my money will be wasted on something impractical that only has the value I place in it within my head.

What value do I place in smoking?

I enjoy the social aspect of it. I believe that I am more comfortable within myself and sociable around other people while smoking and I act in this manner. I realize that smoking is only distracting me from seeing the points in which I feel uncomfortable within myself in social situations.  It is also a point of being a part of something where “the smokers” are like a group of people and a trigger goes off where when I see someone smoke I also desire a smoke for myself.

I enjoy smoking as a distraction for boredom. I have found this to be especially true at my job in tower construction, which involves much waiting. If there’s nothing to do I can always have a smoke. I have also created a particular enjoyment to exist within myself where I will smoke up on the towers and I find it to be a thoroughly enjoyable experience, this scenario also triggers a desire for cigarettes.

I have also been using smoking as a form of reward system where I will grant myself the time to have a cigarette when I hit a benchmark event within my day. Ie, I finish a task at work, I finish eating a meal, I climb a route that I have been working on, etc. I also realize this as a form of distraction because I am immediately separating myself from what I am doing by indulging in the experience of smoking instead of continuing on to the next task or finishing what I am doing.

I have also come to realize that smoking and addictions in general are points of self-compromise. For me they are all based on triggers, and when these triggers “trip” I allow them to influence me and guide my decisions to indulge in the addictions. The same holds true for drinking coffee, it has come to the point where I cannot go about my day without having a coffee to start it off.

Although physical addictions (coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, etc) will exhibit symptoms of physical withdrawal I have found them to all really just be of the mind. It is my mind that creates these triggers and sets them off and it is also my that creates the justifications of why I am continuing with my self-abusive behaviour. The actual physical withdrawal as I see it will eventually pass and it really only increases the intensity of the mind addiction relationship that I am experiencing, but that is only energy and energy will dissipate.

Experience with Blogging

In the past few months I have come to REALLY enjoy blogging. I am finding it a cool means to express and share myself with whomever desires to read my blog. Initially I began this activity as a way of practically living a change that I wanted to see in my life, ‘to start opening myself up more and become more expressive’. At the beginning I had some resistances to posting my blog on my facebook account because there could possibly be potential criticism, but that point has been pushed though and is slowly but surely being removed. The underlying fear I had in regards to criticism is that I would take the criticism personally and start hiding and give up on myself. Through supporting myself with Desteni material and self-development programs I realize that only I can make myself hide through allowing myself to do so. More specifically with the Desteni material I have come to realize the underlying issues behind the point of reacting to criticism and have been provided with the tools to resolve anything comes at me through an internal reference for self-support.

I am still at the point where I am not satisfied with how I am expressing myself because I still see a lot of resistances and suppressions manifest in my day to day events. I am currently comfortable with blogging and have started a new blog relating to my non-Destonian interests, which will consist of another means of expressing myself through physical movement and my process to develop this art form. The blog will consist of topics such as rock climbing and the excursions I go on, Paleo diet/lifestyle, as well as a new discipline I have started to learn, hand balancing, plus many other random acts of movement.

As far as expanding the boundary that encompasses the limits of my self-expression I had many points come up where I can make a change while going through self-help books (ie. How To Win Friends and Influence People). This type of material outlines oh so many characteristics of ‘high character’ people and I realize parts of myself where I suppress myself in while going through it. The problem is that the change I wish to see has to be lived and it is difficult to just start living it right away. Therefore, I see the practicality of using the tools of writing, self-honesty and self-forgiveness to work through the nitty gritty of the points that arise while going through the material. I have also realized that many of the principles that I have picked up from the Desteni material are resurfacing again in the self-help material I am going through. It is really cool to see different perspectives on things such as ‘living with integrity’ or ’emotional energy’ as I realize new ways where I can apply them. I mean its all really the same language which is working on yourself, supporting yourself, live a change that is best for all.

A red flag that has come up recently is that everything that I am doing is becoming repetitive and easy. This indicates that I have stopped stopped moving myself forwards. I am resistant to change and without any resistances being faced there cannot exist any change within myself. On the topic of expression and resistances to be faced a particular point comes up, the dreaded vlog…

Self-Forgiveness: Decision Making

Trigger Point:

Having to make a decision to start a job that will require me to be away from home, family and friends for extended periods of time.

Type of Thought:

Fear – Anxiety

Self-Forgiveness on the thought, the trigger point of the thought and the type of thought:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think ‘People won’t approve of my decision to start a new job.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought ‘People won’t approve of my decision to start a new job’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect making a decision to start a new job to the thought, ‘People won’t approve of my decision to start a new job.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing making a decision to start a new job to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought of ‘People won’t approve of my decision to start a new job.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear rejection for making a decision to start a new job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear of rejection for making a decision to start a new job to exist within and as me.

Reason for connecting Thought to Emotion/Feeling:

I fear the possibility that people who will be affected by me not being around will have reactions towards my decision to take the job. I had begun to experience anxiety because I thought that people may start acting differently towards me out of spite.

Self-Forgiveness on Connecting Thought with Emotion/Feeling and Reason for Connection:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought ‘people won’t approve of my decision to start a new job’ to an emotional experience of anxiety

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to – through the participation within the thought ‘people won’t approve of my decision to start a new job’ become anxious.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to – through participation with the thought ‘people won’t approve of my decision to start a new job’ believe that people may react and act differently towards me out of spite.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought ‘people may become spiteful towards me’ to an emotional experience of anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to – through the participation within the thought ‘people may become spiteful towards me’ become anxious.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of anxiety.

Self-Forgiveness on Positive Value and on Each Point in the Word ‘Approval’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word ‘Approval’ with a positive value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘Approval’ as ‘good’ / ‘positive’ / ‘right’ within my mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ through judging the word ‘Approval’ as ‘good’ / ‘positive’ / ‘right’.

a picture in my mind of working out with my friends and starting a gym together

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to a picture in my mind of working out with my friends and starting a gym together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with a picture in my mind of working out with my friends and starting a gym together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from my friends through defining the word ‘Approval’ within working out and starting a gym with my friends in separation of myself.

success

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from success through defining the word ‘Approval’ within success in separation of myself.

friends and family

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to friends and family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with friends and family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from friends and family through defining the word ‘Approval’ within friends and family in separation of myself.

support

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from support through defining the word ‘Approval’ within support in separation of myself.

the feeling of being content

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to the feeling of being content.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with the feeling of being content.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from being content through defining the word ‘Approval’ within the feeling of being content in separation of myself.

a memory of sitting in a classroom with a friend where I felt that they did not approve of the way I was sitting

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to a memory of sitting in a classroom with a friend where I felt that they did not approve of the way I was sitting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with a memory of sitting in a classroom with a friend where I felt that they did not approve of the way I was sitting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from sitting in a classroom with a friend through defining the word ‘Approval’ within the feeling that a friend did not approve of the way I was sitting in separation of myself.

having lots of friends

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to having lots of friends.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with having lots of friends.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from having through defining the word ‘Approval’ within having lots of friends in separation of myself.

Insecurity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to insecurity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with insecurity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from insecurity through defining the word ‘Approval’ with insecurity in separation of myself.

making decisions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to making decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with making decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from decisions through defining the word ‘Approval’ within making decisions in separation of myself.

looking to others for confirmation that I had made the right decision

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to looking to others for confirmation that I had made the right decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with looking to others for confirmation that I had made the right decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from making decisions through defining the word ‘Approval’ within looking to others for confirmation that I had made the right decision in separation of myself.

being accepted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to being accepted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with being accepted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from acceptance through defining the word ‘Approval’ with being accepted in separation of myself.

making other people happy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Approval’ to making other people happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Approval’ with making other people happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Approval’ and from happiness through defining the word ‘Approval’ within making other people happy in separation of myself.

Self-Forgiveness on Negative Value and on Each Point in the Word ‘Spite’:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word ‘Spite’ with a negative charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘Spite’ as ‘bad’ / ‘negative’ / ‘wrong’ within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ through judging ‘Spite’ as ‘bad’ / ‘negative’ / ‘wrong’.

refusing to acknowledge the presence of another person

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to refusing to acknowledge the presence of another person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with refusing to acknowledge the presence of another person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from acknowledging others through defining the word ‘Spite’ with refusing to acknowledge the presence of another person in separation of myself.

mind games

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to mind games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with mind games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from mind games through defining the word ‘Spite’ with mind games in separation of myself.

the colors black and green

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to the colors black and green.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with the colors black and green.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from the colors black and green through defining the word ‘Spite’ with the colors black and green in separation of myself.

holding others back

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to holding others back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with holding others back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from holding others back through defining the word ‘Spite’ with holding others back in separation of myself.

Abuse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from abuse through defining the word ‘Spite’ with abuse in separation of myself.

secretly despising someone and desiring bad thing to happen to them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to secretly despising someone and desiring bad thing to happen to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with secretly despising someone and desiring bad thing to happen to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from despising someone through defining the word ‘Spite’ with secretly despising someone and desiring bad thing to happen to them in separation of myself.

holding grudges

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to holding grudges.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with holding grudges.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from holding grudges through defining the word ‘Spite’ with holding grudges in separation of myself.

Jealousy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to Jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with Jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from Jealousy through defining the word ‘Spite’ with Jealousy in separation of myself.

cowardice

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to cowardice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with cowardice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from cowardice through defining the word ‘Spite’ with cowardice in separation of myself.

speaking ill about someone behind their back

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to speaking ill about someone behind their back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with speaking ill about someone behind their back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from speaking ill about someone behind their back through defining the word ‘Spite’ with speaking ill about someone behind their back in separation of myself.

inferiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from inferiority through defining the word ‘Spite’ with inferiority in separation of myself.

suppressed anger

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘Spite’ to suppressed anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘Spite’ with suppressed anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘Spite’ and from suppressed anger through defining the word ‘Spite’ with suppressed anger in separation of myself.

What the picture as a whole represents:

The picture represents the environment where I would regularly do workouts with my friends, which I will have to put aside to start this job.

Self-Forgiveness on Picture as a whole, details of the picture, what the picture represents and Connection to the thought:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of a park in which there is a playground with monkey bars in the centre and grass and trees to the left and a blacktop to the right – to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this landscape-picture to the thought ‘people will not approve of my decision to start a new job’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fitness, acceptance and friendship to a picture in my mind of a park where I had worked out with friends that had a playground with monkey bars in the centre and grass and trees to the left and a blacktop to the right.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require to be approved of or work out with friends at a park for me to be and experience fitness, acceptance and friendship.

I forgive myself accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from fitness, acceptance and friendship through defining the words in separation of myself within a picture of a playground.

Complete unfolding of Memory:

Me and a friend went to sign up for our high school football team. We were in grade 9 and this was our first year in high school. We were sitting in a classroom waiting for the tryout meeting to begin. I remember that I was sitting a certain way which I cannot specifically recall, but my friend told me that I would get made fun of by an older kid if they saw me sitting like that. He told me to sit like he was and I would not get made fun of.

Relevant points within the Memory:

Grade 9 High School

Sitting in a classroom

Signing up for my first year on the school football team

My friend told me not to sit a certain way because people would make fun of me for it/look down upon it/not approve of me sitting that way

Reason for holding on to the Memory:

To blame my friend and the general experience that I had during high school for how I have come to be the way I am.

Self-Forgiveness on Memory (use Relevant points to describe the Memory), on Reason for holding on to the Memory and on Connection to the thought:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of me sitting in a classroom while signing up for football practice with a friend, while I was in grade 9, with the experience of feeling that my friend did not approve of the way I was sitting, to the thought ‘people won’t approve of my decision to start a new job’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of sitting in a classroom while signing up for football practice with a friend, while I was in grade 9, with the experience of feeling that my friend did not approve of the way I was sitting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined the approval of myself within a memory of me sitting in a classroom while signing up for football practice with a friend, while I was in grade 9 with the experience of feeling that my friend did not approve of the way I was sitting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my approval of self through defining my approval of self within a memory of me sitting in a classroom while signing up for football practice with a friend, while I was in grade 9 with the experience of feeling that my friend did not approve of the way I was sitting.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that approval is here as me in every moment of breath.

Cure for Cancer? Give me Your Money!

I have been doing some research on cancer treatments as a part of an assignment for school and have found an alternative method that is being implemented with some fascinating results. The basis for this treatment is to use nutrition as a preventative method for cancer because this method relates the cause of cancer to be a vitamin deficiency, specifically vitamin B17. The discovery process for this treatment evolved from research and statistics gathered on remote indigenous societies. These societies were found to have extremely low to non-existent cases of cancer. Due to living in such remote conditions the people in these cultures all ate a very similar diet due to the lack of availability in food selection. Each of these different societies all had one thing in common they ate foods that included a large amount of vitamin B17 in their diets, ranging from 250 mg to 3,000 mg per day, while the typical American diet sees only about 2 mg per day. Cancer rates in America see an occurrence of 1 case within every three families, correlation? possibly.

The interesting concept behind this theory is that if cancer were a vitamin deficiency, most methods of treatment would prove ineffective save balancing the deficiency itself. This was seen throughout history in many other cases. At one time in Britain there was a scurvy epidemic associated with its navy and all of the modern medicines couldn’t provide a solution. The cure discovered was oranges and lime juice providing the necessary vitamin C to correct the imbalance. The same situation was found to hold true again where a vitamin deficiency proved to be the cause of a disease. Some examples of these associations are; vitamin D with rickets, vitamin B3 with pellagra, vitamin b12 and folic acid with pernicious anemia, the latter of which had a mortality rate of 98-99% where no medical modality under the sun could touch it.

Cancer is a chronic, metabolic disease…that is obvious. It isn’t an infectious disease, which is caused by bacteria of viruses. It is a disease that is metabolic in origin. A metabolic disease is a disease that is linked with our utilization of food. Most metabolic diseases have as their basis specific vitamins and minerals. Our general diet has changed dramatically over the years, we have also seen a massive increase in cancer rates in recent years. Why is it that our current diet is almost devoid of vitamin B17?

Vitamin B17 is found within the seeds of almost every fruit, except those in the citrus family. It is also found in many other more exotic, less domesticated foods. Through selective breeding of fruits and vegetables humans have been selecting specific species to continue production that based on how palatable they are. Vitamin B17 being quite bitter to the taste has more than likely been selectively bred out of most modern foods, although it is still found in the older more wild cousins of these species.

Its funny how things change because 35 years ago vitamin B17, also know as Laetrile or Amygdalin was claimed to be the cure for all cancers. Why is it that we don’t see use in its treatment today? The answer is simple: MONEY. The cancer industry is a multi-billion dollar marketing field which gathers money in the form of donations, taxes, government money, etc to create a cure. This is all based on fear because it is generally accepted that once you get cancer chances are you’re most likely not going to survive. In the U.S. for the last 18 years the FDA has used strict regulations to ban vitamin B17 and its use, even making it illegal to sell apricot seeds (a very high source of vitamin B17). While there is almost no use in the U.S. this method is implemented in some hospitals in Mexico.

A primary example is the Oasis of Hope Hospital where over 100,000 cancer patients have been treated since 1963. In 1981 they conducted a retrospective study to document the five-year survival rate of their cancer patients. It is important to note that 95% of these patients came to them with stage IV cancers after conventional therapy had failed to help them.

Malignancies in the lung, breast, colon and prostate at the most prevalent, so they designed a study on the efficacy of the metabolic therapy on these advanced stage IV cancers, with the following results:

Type of cancer      Number of patients     Five year survival rate (%)
_                                                                          Oasis           Conventional*
Lung cancer                          200                             30%              2%
Breast cancer                       130                             39%             21%
Colon cancer                        150                             30%               8%
Prostate cancer                    600                             86%             33%

*source: American Cancer Society, Cancer Facts and Figures, 2001

The Oasis group of patients had already undergone surgery, radiation or chemotherapy. They had endured the hair loss, nausea, burns and devastation of their energy levels and immune system. Those in the conventional group had no previous treatment to damage their general condition. They had a fresh start. We can only speculate on the better results the Oasis Hospital could achieve with patients who would avoid conventional therapy before they arrive for metabolic therapy. (The Coming Cancer Cure, p105)

For five years, between 1972 and 1977 laetrile was meticulously tested at Sloan-Kettering Institute for Cancer Research in Manhattan under the direction of Dr. Sugiura. At the conclusion of his experiment he reported five results:

1. laetrile stopped metastasis (the spreading of cancer) in mice
2. it improved their general health
3. it inhibited the growth of small tumours
4. it provided relief from pain
5. it acted as a cancer prevention.

Two other bio-chemists at Sloan-Kettering had duplicated Sugiura’s experiments and had obtained essentially the same positive results. One was Dr Elizabeth Stockert and another was Dr Lloyd Schloen. Schloen had gone so far as to add proteolytic enzymes to the injections – as is commonly done by laetrile doctors – and reported a 100% cure rate among his Swiss albino mice.

Despite the points listed above the FDA holds firm on its stance that vitamin B17 is a toxic substance and is ineffective in the treatment of cancer. This is hereby protecting the billion dollar industry from collapsing because it would be impossible to obtain a patent for a vitamin found naturally within food. The capitalistic system is the problem in this scenario because it is prioritizing making money before supporting life. This unfortunately is an all too common situation that results from capitalism and it in no way whatsoever localized within the cure for cancer. The solution here it to establish a system that prioritizes supporting life before money and provides the means for all to live equally. Investigate an Equal Money System.

http://equalmoney.org/

Paleo Diet: Closure

The eating to support my body has been a big point for me. I have gone through many diets over the years and have bounced up, down and all around throughout the experience. The biggest issue in this scenario has been using food as a comfort and distraction and allowing myself to lose self-control in these moments and become possessed. I have found through trial and error that I was extremely addicted to carbohydrates. I have known for some time that grains and dairy are detrimental to my body and that I function best off a vegetable and meat based diet. This has lead me to try out the Paleo diet. I had been trying, unsuccessfully to apply the principles of this diet for some time but found myself compensating for the lack of carbohydrates from grains with an abundance of fruit. This is where the key issue lies, that I am still feeding an addiction to carbohydrates even through eating something healthy like fruit.

Recently I have read a book, “The Paleo Solution,” which I have found to be extremely supportive as it details many of the mechanisms the body goes through while digesting various forms of food. I have found much of the knowledge and information regarding how carbohydrates are metabolised to be particularly true within my experiences. Since then I have been trying a new approach with great success. I have cut out fruits and replaced their intake with vegetables (leafy not starchy). I find that the food cravings I have been experiencing have all together disappeared and periodic snacking is no longer a source of distraction in my day to day experience. I find that by eating high fat meals with moderate protein and vegetables for vitamins keep me full and satisfied and I am only eating when I am hungry. I have also found that I am able to get up and go a lot more readily in the morning and don’t experience a morning grogginess as I used to. I have been focusing a lot of effort in the past few months to stabilize myself in this point and have finally achieved this. I am now putting this point to a close.

Redefining My Personal Boundary

I do not accept or allow myself to consume grain products as I realize that they are addictive and a source of self-abuse.

I do not accept or allow myself to consume an fruits in abundance as I realize that I am using them as a source of carbohydrates to account for the absence of grains in my diet.

I do not accept or allow myself to consume an abundance of dairy as I realize that I am allergic to such foods and they result in mucus buildup in my sinuses and digestion problems.

I support my body by eating meat and vegetables as the staple of my diet, focusing on fresh foods over processed.

I do not accept or allow compromise in my diet, when supportive meals are unavailable I will eat what is available. For example eating a hamburger but not eating the bun or opting for a salad instead. I have resorted to a few McPaleo meals :S

If I happen to fall I do not accept or allow myself to continue the dishonesty by justifying and continuing the experience. I will stop breathe until the energy dissipates and reassert within my personal boundary the diet that supports my body via what I accept and allow within myself.

Equal Money System Solutions: Food Production

I have been doing a little research into finding solutions on how to redesign the global food production establishment for the purpose of ending the extensive amount of abuse that is accepted and allowed within the system. It is understood by many that the Earth has sufficient means to provide all of its inhabitants, even at such large populations, with sufficient means of sustenance. The primary issue here is that there exist many inequalities where people are exploited and deprived of the food produced in their country simply so someone can make a few extra bucks. I am not addressing this issue in this blog as the complexities of foreign trade and government policies are currently beyond my comprehension and limited scope of interest. What I will be blogging about is a possible solution to the factory farming tragedy.

Existing in such densely populated urban environments has made accessing food increasingly difficult. Products must be shipped in and land space is limited. Factory farming was invented to save on the amount of space, time and money required to feed a population. It has proved itself as an efficient means of effectively feeding large amounts of people on a small amount of space. In spite of this factory farming is an extremely abusive industry to both the animals and the workers involved. This kind of procedure for generating food is unacceptable and we are in need of an alternative.

While browsing through some YouTube videos I came across a documentary on Polyface Farm. Here things are done a bit differently compared to the regular meat production farms. It has been family run and passed down through generations to its current owner, Joel Salatin. Rather than focusing on producing a single type of animal Polyface raises cows, chickens, turkey, rabbits and pigs. It has been found here that raising multiple types of animals at the same time creates a synergistic effect as these species flow with one another and result with increased productivity per acre. Let me explain.

It starts with the cows. Cows eat grass not corn, plain and simple. They are an animal that exists within a heard (for protection against natural predators) and spends practically its entire day grazing in meadows eating grass. Now current farms that produce grass-fed beef simply allow their cattle to wander the entire pasture. With no predators about the cows spread out and do not remain as a heard, this is extremely inefficient. To replicate the heard environment Polyface has sectioned off its cow pastures into small grid sections, with each section housing enough grass for the heard to eat for 1 day. Each day the cows are moved to another sector. This has numerous advantages. First is that when cows are herded together like this they will enter a feeding frenzy and begin eating all the edible vegetation and trampling the unfavourable. When the cows are allowed to spread out they will become quite picky and selective eaters and much becomes wasted. This method assists the land in producing the favourable plants that the cows eat by spreading seeds via cow pies and crushing the harmful ones. It also allows for the section of land to recover once the cows have left allowing for a fully loaded “salad bar” every day, which is better for the cows too. Joel typically allows a section of pasture between 60-150 days of rest before the cows come back for another round. The disturbance of the cow’s grazing in overgrown pasture also stirs up many insects which is evident in some of the videos as birds go whizzing by eating the bugs that take flight. The typical farm creates an average of 4 cow days per acre of land. That is enough grass (food) to supply a cow with 4 days of food. Polyface sees upwards of an amazing 80 cow days per acre! and all the work that is required each day is to open a gate and call the cows (yes, they come when called at this farm), quite simple really. According to Joel, “If every livestock cattle operation in America practiced this, in less than 10 years we would sequester all the carbon that’s been emitted since the beginning of the industrial age.

Between 3-4 days after the cows are moved they bring the birds in. Similar to the cows, birds aren’t supposed to eat corn or grains either, they do much better on an insect, grub, seed based diet, this is exactly what they get. The cows leave behind a freshly mowed field exposing all the tasty insects that are left behind. They have also left behind many cow patties, which by now are typically filled with fly larvae another treat for the poultry. This action also disturbs and move the patties around to fertilize the earth and surprisingly enough it is found that cow manure contains the 7 critical digestive enzymes for birds.

There are also other techniques employed at Polyface to restore vitality to the land using pigs to aerate the land and how to raise rabbits. Joel also assists other farms in setting up infrastructure similar to that at Polyface and vouches that they will “double the production of anything that anyone’s ever seen.” He charges a mere $25-50 per acre for the set-up, which is quite a steal since doubling the productivity is effectively the same as doubling the land and $25-50 to buy an acre of land is damn cheap. Polyface also remains transparent in their methods and allows anybody who desires to come take a tour of the farm and see it for themselves.

Polyface YouTube Channel

Polyface Website

After watching a video Animal Bugs & Plants in Equal Money System The Book Preview I considered an entirely new point on how to produce meat based food. Lets say that instead of “harvesting” the animals when they are ready to be eaten, they are allowed to live out their natural lives and express themselves to the fullest. Then they are used for food one they have died naturally. There will have to be some changes to compensate for the extended life span. Lets take cows for example, they are normally sent to slaughter at 2-3 years of age and they will live an average lifespan of 15-20 years. If we lived at a current level of meat consumption and switched to a new system we would need 5-10 times more cattle to supply the need. However through utilizing methods like those employed at the Polyface Farm the number of cows that can be sustained per acre can be increased by up to 20 times easily offsetting the the increased requirement for cattle.
The means of sustaining an abuse free diet that includes meat is available for us to use, it just requires a change in the accepted norms in the ways we produce our food. I find this solution practical to the point that even the vegans would be approving of it and it will be all the easier to implement with an Equal Money System.

http://equalmoney.org/

To be continued…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Waiting for Energy

For the past few weeks I have been avoiding the tasks that I require myself to complete in order to reach my goals. I have been tired from working all day and then when I do have some time to be productive I spend it on facebook or youtube in pointless browsing. I see areas where I blame work tiring me out and the internet distracting me from being productive but it really comes down to a lack of focus and willpower where I must begin to push myself regardless of how I feel. There is nobody there to make me do this so it is completely up to me and I am in favour of that because a self-motivated work ethic is something that I will have to establish in order to evolve.

I define success as setting a goal and then meeting it. I have already set the foundations of setting many goals for myself and now is the time break them down into benchmarks and give them deadlines and most important get them completed. This is a recurring cycle for me as it usually plays out in one of two ways. The first is where I am motivated to complete the goal because there exists a genuine interest in it. In the past I have used this interest and actually started creating mental definitions according to what it is that I am doing. From a distance it seems as if this is how I should be dealing with tasks due to the level of enthusiasm and detail I put into it, but I have realized that it might not be so. Here I am riding off of an emotional high bordering on obsession and without being in this energy I would be going about the task similarly to the second way.

In the second scenario I do not want to complete the task but I realize that I must. I go about it as if I am beating a dead horse. Every little task becomes an ordeal and I stress myself out through the self-created illusion that this is unbearable which I realize comes only from my thoughts. I have come to realize from a book I have been reading how adversely stress affects our bodies and minds and can see the benefit of stopping myself from entering this mental state which I refer to as “the poisoned environment” state.

These are two sides of a polarity and either one can be detrimental. In the first I will get things done but without it I will be left “waiting for energy.” In the second I will also get things done but they will not be completed to the level that I am capable of and I will ruin myself with stress in the process. I can see transcending this point by applying the knowledge and information that I must stop my thoughts and then just do the task at hand. I must remain focused and not allow any distractions to pop up. I have a few techniques that I have picked up that I will try out and see if they will assist me remaining here in such moments.

Living on the Road

For the last two weeks I have encountered the new experience of having to live out of a hotel room. This has caused me to face difficulty in maintaining a proper meal plan as I have been relying on wherever my co-workers agree to go for food, which ends up either being take-out or fast food. Up until yesterday I have been disregarding this change in diet, however I have just begun to feel the effects than it has on my body. I normally restrict the amount of grains that I eat and completely cut out dairy, but currently these food groups have become major sources of sustenance for me. The major change I have noticed is that I am plagued with a consistently runny nose and am stuffed up all the time like I am suffering from allergies. I know for certain that this comes from the change in eating that has occurred. I have also noticed a slight increase in body fat which has made me realize that I fear becoming fat. Upon taking a closer look at this fear and where it comes from I have realized that it comes from a fear of loss that I will loose my ability to express myself through the physical movement of my body. I realize that I have linked my physical appearance to my potential to express myself through movement which is not the case as the movements that I desire to express are move about practice than appearing fit. I also see how in the past I have reacted to seeing a small gain in weight by managing to drop it through managing my diet and doing exercises that are not supportive to my goals. I can now clearly see what it is that is important to me. I desire to express myself through physical movement, specifically climbing and as of currently hand balancing. I also know which foods support my body and will structure myself so I am prepared to deal with any encounters where I would normally have to compromise. I see this experience as an eye opener for me and will support myself by using it to learn more about myself and how I operate and most of all through applying these insights.